"Like an open book, you watched me (her) grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my (her) life were spread out before you, The days of my (her) life all prepared before I'd (she'd) even lived one day."
Psalm 139:16 (The Message) Personal emphasis added
I feel like I have a newborn all over again. I don't mean because of maturity level (on her part that is). It's more of ME feeling like a babe carrying a baby. You know that feeling of "What do I do with her?" At the same time, I feel like I've completely forgotten all of the "basic" things I learned about the Lord earlier in my Christian walk.
It's like I'm more afraid, worried, confused, frustrated, and so much more now that my sweet Nelly is getting older. By God's grace, I'm thankful that she's a very obedient and respectful child. I no longer have to worry about her running away from me or telling me "no" out in public. Or having to remind her to go to the potty (or changing her when she has an accident). No, this new stage of parenting is much more harder.
Back then, certain problems she had, I could "fix" them. Wet pamper...I changed it. She disobeyed...I "loved" on her. But, now she's experiencing things that I CAN'T fix!! Now, I have to TALK...and TALK....and do MORE talking.
I'm seeing that I can say something one time and then repeat it again, the following week or sometimes that same day!!! It can become frustrating. But, why? My faith is being tested. Do I really believe that the Lord has given Nelly to my hubby and I to raise in Him? Do I believe that His word is enough or do I think I have to try and fill it with people or things to help comfort her? Why isn't Jesus enough?
Is the big topic on my Sweetheart's heart. I'm amazed at how much their Tweenie world evolves around this issue. If you watch the latest girlie shows, are the mothers in the cartoons? What about family members? No. But, Strawberry Shortcake got her friends! Barbie got her friends! Littlest Pet Shop got their friends!! They are in some books as well.
Okay, okay, okay! I know someone will suggest reading the classics. I won't even go there. But, for right now, that may not be good for us either (other than GREAT writing styles).
As I began to search for Christian books we could read and talk about, I only found similar topics like in the secular books, only it had it's "Christian Spin" on it. It left me frustrated and feeling hopeless.
But, then the Lord lead me to this great book titled "Girl Talk" by Carolyn Mahaney. The Lord used this book to put my mind in the proper perspective. I'M to be her friend. Wait! I'm not talking about the type of friendship as if I'm a little tweenager. No, I'm talking about a friendship where I'm teaching her to talk to me, me listen to her, and we grow together as mother and daughter.
I was also blessed with two Titus 2 women who God used so much to speak into my life. One woman attends my church and the other lives in DC. I'm so blessed!! It's a beautiful thing to have them pour into my life.
On Wednesday, the Lord used Psalm 139:16 to quiet my heart. I can't change anything. The Lord knew about this season of life for my Nelly. I just need to trust and obey Him and to lead my Nelly to Him as we walk together as mother and daughter through this trial of "friendlessness".
Dear Lord, please help me to comfort Nelly during this hard season of learning about friendships. Help me to teach her how to be a friend, to love You first, her family, and then others. In Your name, Amen.