Sep 13, 2012

In Another "Hospital" Again

One of my kids were born too early. So, they had to stay in the NICU for 4 weeks. It was the HARDEST 4 weeks for me. It was hard to leaving them daily inside the hospital without me seeing and knowing who or what was going on with her. Plus, I myself still needed to heal from having her. But, I felt like I had to be there. But, being there at times made the healing for her to seem like it was taking forever!

I remember seeing the nurses stick her with needles and seeing her little body just scream and cry. I wanted to demand that they leave her alone. But, it would of been foolish of me since they weren't hurting her, they were helping her to heal and to be a healthy infant. I remember seeing the wires from her little body attached to her. I remember seeing her cry and squirm in the little box (couldn't spell the name of it). Oh, how I wanted to pick her up, but I knew I couldn't. All I could do was sit back and PRAY!! Every time I stayed back and my sweet husband went instead (or her grandmother or Aunt), I would hear how well she was progressing. In fact, there was a baby there before her and by God's grace and favor, she excelled passed him. It was then that I learned, SHE'S NOT MINES. She belonged to God.

Fastforward 8 years and I'm finding myself back at that stage. Only the box isn't in a real hospital (praise God), but it's a box of "loneliness". As I see the pain, the tears, insecurities, etc. flood her little heart, I want to go to every kid or parent and demand that they be her friend. But, it would foolish of me because no one should force a friendship on anyone. I truly believe that the Lord is using this to draw her to Himself. It's funny how our prayer is for her to be saved, but yet I want to "choose" the means as to how the Lord will choose to make it happen. It's hard to stay back. I want to do something (we're doing some things), but ultimately it's up to the Lord to move on hearts and to make those connections.

All we can do is cry with her, listen to her, share our wisdom, and just keep leading her to the Friend of all friends...Jesus Christ. I pray that just as He allowed her to graciously pass through that kid in the NICU to be healed and ready to leave the hospital, I pray that He's doing the same for her spiritually. What I just need to do is place my faith in what He's doing and to step back and let Him heal her as He reminds me again, that SHE'S NOT MINES. She belongs to Him. She's in another "hospital". This one, always heals (either spiritually or physically).

Dear Lord, thank You for this trial in my motherhood. Please help me to be sensitive, patient, and encouraging to our child. May the words that I say draw her closer to you. In Your name, Amen.

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